Life is a gamble. You don’t know what will happen.
If you want a relationship, you have no guarantee that the person you fall in love with will actually make a good partner.
If you are having trouble getting into a relationship with a person you are strongly attracted to, and the clock is ticking, and you want kids, it’s time to give yourself permission to settle.
I’m talking to you, women in your mid+ 30’s.
In American culture, there is this stigma against marrying someone for practical reasons. We tend to put attraction above all else. Love. Romance.
Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth.
Mr. Big & Carrie.
It’s a fine ideal in your twenties.
But if it hasn’t happened, and you are certain you want to spend the rest of your life with kids you raise and a husband or life-partner you care about, then it’s time you do something for those kids and find yourself a new kind of match.
It’s time you stop settling for the disappointment that comes from the race of risky romance, and start choosing a path with fewer unkowns. Let’s call this successful settling.
To begin with, you’re going to need to find a man. A man different than those you’ve been dating.
Don’t tell me you’ve already tried this. Men in their 30’s are different than men in their 20’s. Men in their 30’s—good men—want to have a wife, kids, and predictability—they want to settle down. You want to settle down. So let go of the pride, and give your future a chance.
So, with no further adieu, here are the Five Signs That He Might Be Your Next Husband:
- Recently Divorced.
Divorced men have already been trained. I should know. Plus, most of them, after having spent years with a controlling, demanding partner will be happy to have a woman that’s simply kind to them. Trust me, I’ve talked to many men like this.
If you can’t find a divorced man, you can settle for a guy that’s recently out of a long-term relationship. These guys are already accustomed to spending their evenings doing couple-things. Like watching tv. Or eating out. Or shopping Costco on a Friday night.
- No Roommates.
If he has roommates, he already has half his relationship needs fulfilled. The only thing he isn’t getting is sex, and maybe the services of a cook and a maid. (Not to imply I think you should cook and clean, but he might think you should.)
This includes guys that live with their parents.
Does not include guys whose kids live with them.
It does include guys who live with their kids. Or their ex-wives. (I’ve seen this.)
Seriously, girls, it’s time you just put up with a nice guy for once. You are probably the reason he’s this way anyway. Sure, he listens to you, and likes the things you like, and tries to please you and I know that’s pretty off-putting, but things didn’t work out with those assholes, did they? So how about you commit to sticking with a nice guy for at least 6 months?
- Not wealthy.
Most moneyed men made their fortune only after finding the woman in their life. You’re not looking for a meal ticket, are you? So why not give a guy of average-income a try? I know, I know, you are a smart, successful, capable woman. And, no, it’s not too much to ask that you should find a guy that does as well as you. But what do you want, princess? I thought you wanted to get married and have a baby. Guys of average income were built to be family men. They don’t have big career aspirations—they want to have a family and a house in the suburbs and a dog and kids and a commute and enough vacation and a enough salary to take a family trip each summer.
And, deep down, I think you want the same thing.
- Not Handsome.
I have met so many handsome men that were not at all that way before they met their wives. You can totally fix a man’s dress. No, you can’t fix the bad boy you’ve been trying to change, but this guy, the marriage-material guy, you can definitely change him. He’ll feel more attractive, you’ll have a better catch, and you’ll both be happy.
You can’t read the future. The guy you’re attracted to today cannot guarantee your attraction tomorrow. So, if you’re going to take a risk anyway, maybe it’s time to take a risk with unknowns you hadn’t considered yet (like, will he get better looking? will he make more money? will I be able to accept that he’s so attentive to me?). Perhaps it’s time to make a new plan; to change your concept of ideal.
After all, the quickest way to settle down may be to settle for different.